It has taken me a long time to step away from the acting in reactivity to fear and scarcity – to drive priorities and actions, and lean into what feels true.

(And indeed, yesterday I spoke about split definitions, and my personal experience with my root centre – doing -connected to my spleen – the fears and intuition, which is split from my sacral-G centre-and throat – inner trust in my truth and expression).

There’s a fear associated with that, leaning into what feels true – “but what if?”

But also a deep knowing that if I don’t lean into it whatever it is that is pulling me, that there only is darkness. 

The difference in sensation here (when you recognise and lean into what is true and pulling you) is something that feels full bodied – pushing and nudging you into a certain direction. And universe will always find its ways to continue to give you reminders until you honour it by saying yes.

I recently had the pleasure of sharing a cohort space with a wonderful woman in her 70s where she described this feeling as like the strength of a life-force within. Just bursting to come out.

Today, I am trusting the voice of presence (Gate 20) – speaking in the NOW – which sits in my unconscious North Node, to guide the post to be written out today.

There used to be a time that speaking felt like an incredible fear. I still remember the palpitations and tensing every time I needed to prepare myself mentally, psychologically and emotionally for another presentation. 

During my corporate days I could fake it – during pitches, and even impromptu presentations. 

My trick then always was – rehearsing over and over again the first opening sentence I would say (mentally and fast if it was something impromptu). Because I knew that once I could get over that hurdle smoothly, the rest usually flows. 

But still, I always had this tension, and knowing the emotional toll each time speaking would take on me.

It is interesting though looking back at my career, that speaking always found me. Because of my fear, I never actively sought it, but somehow there came these nudges from the universe. Reminding me to step up.

Being the announcement voice for our school performance (because apparently I had a good voice for it), being brought impromptu to the front of the room of about 30 Country Directors to present a topic (completely unprepared) that came up during a meeting in my early 20s in the biotech I worked for – which apparently impressed one of them so much, they opened an invitation to join their team. 

And many more of these instances that followed me in later career and also business.

In the business context, webinars and online presentation has been a huge 6 year curve of learning, and leaning into trusting. 

My first webinar I had 6 pages of speaking notes printed, and was so nervous I didn’t even turn on the camera. 

Nowadays, I feel an ease when presenting. Dare I say, even enjoy it? And I now also recognise, both in my current presentations as well as looking back – that my best and most impactful presenting moments were always the ones that I had to somehow lean into TRUST and being deeply present in that moment – rather than the reliance on over-preparation and memorising to make sure I don’t forget every single point. 

Speaking in the Now. Channelling direct through consciousness. 

According to Richard Rudd’s writing on the 20th Gene Key (Gate 20) –

“The more impeded consciousness is within the form, the less pure its expression will be.

This impediment most commonly comes through our mind and overthinking. Rather than the deep trusting of presence and allowing that energy to flow. 

Based on Ra Ura Hu’s Complete Rave I-Ching – he describes Gate 20 (Contemplation) as the only pure existential gate.

Here are the core details about Gate 20

Official name: The Gate of the Now

I-Ching Hexagram: Contemplation

Bodily Location: Throat

Shadow State – Superficiality – or in the context of the Gate 20, this superficiality is about living purely in the mind (and therefore losing connection with the deep existential presence that is our biological origins as a species).

Richard Rudd “The mind prevents us from feeling one with life”.

Reactive state – Hectic (reacting to fear to translate into non-stop activity)

Repressed state – Absent (a sudden withdrawal of consciousness from the body, and looking distant, staring, absent – a response by numbing the fear, the flip side to the reactive state)

Gift – Self Assurance. This is the gift that recognises the innate genius that lives within every child. In knowing that with the right nurturing and supporting environment, that these geniuses will naturally flourish. It is a profound surrender to life and every moment, and trusting in the wisdom of life and the universe – and to stop interfering with life through overthinking or trying to force improvement or change.

(writing this out, I realise through the core work I work with together with my partner guiding business owners to thrive in expressing their true gifts in business, that this is exactly this environment we strive to maintain)

Siddhi – Presence. This is a feeling of total ease in the world, and simply being, trusting. This is the state of silencing all mental activity and drawing the person deep into the present moment. It’s feeling is one of total relaxation. And perhaps in this sense is also the gate representing energy of pure meditation.

What has been your experience with the Gate 20? Do you have it defined or undefined? How has this energy shown up in your life?

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I am a 5/1 Sacral Manifesting Generator. This blog and the articles contained within represent my true experience with Human Design (and work I do with clients), as well as other Identity Psychology toolsets used within my work.

In the meantime, if you would like to start your own journey – I invite you to book a private 20 minute discovery session with me.

@authentic.awakenings

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